When believing isn’t enough
Tonight At 11:30 Eli texted me from his room to tell me he didn’t want to go back to school on Monday. So, Instead of texting him back, I went down to talk with him. I don’t think I have him convinced to finish the last week quite yet, but in true Eli fashion, he changed the subject quickly and moved on to me reading to him.
He picked up his Bible and asked me to read anywhere I wanted. I said how about we just open it up and wherever we land we will read there. He was in agreement, so I laid down with him and flipped it open.
As soon as I saw where we picked, I had to wonder why this would be the story that we would land on tonight.
If you know me, you know I struggle with watching these kids being challenged to do every day things. You know the pain in my heart not being able to help them, as I have always worn it on my sleeve. I have shared my faith and my fears, my joy and my tears. Through it all, I have always tried to believe in a greater purpose for this journey we are on.
As I laid down next to him and started reading, he started to weep as I read.
Luke 13:10-17
“She had been bent double for eighteen years and was unable to stand up straight. When Jesus saw her, he called her over and said, “Dear woman, you are healed of your sickness!” Then he touched her, and instantly she could stand straight.”
How he said? And why? Why not me??? I believe he said!
Of course it was a story of a disabled woman being healed right?!! We couldn’t have opened it any other place in the whole Bible!
He cried a bit and then we sat there and talked. I know his heart, and I know his love for God, but I DO NOT KNOW WHY he is disabled, or why he can’t be healed. I just said sometimes believing simply isn’t enough, but we can choose to believe that God has other plans for you even if healing isn’t part of those plans.
I’m sure I will die someday with these questions left unanswered and my heart will probably never be ok, but that is ok. It has to be, because there is no other choice.
So we go on, we move along, change the subject, find something to smile or laugh about and know that tomorrow is a new day. Maybe filled with the same questions and answers but maybe not.
We did make it through the moment without me fully answering him, but the beautiful thing was, he seemed to get it. He understood that I simply can’t answer the question about why him believing “like God said” isn’t enough… no one can.
I’m so grateful for his love for Jesus, and his faith, because in moments like these, HIS believing is enough to carry us both through.
Fear Not 