Day by day in every way I’m getting better and better – Emile Coue – Jan 6-Jan 9th
I have always loved that quote. I remember saying this over and over, time and again as I went for walks during my horrible days of anxiety. Wanting to believe so much that the next day would be better and so would I. Wanting to be better and be who I feel I was born to be has not been easy, but improving myself is something that has been a desire of mine as long as I can remember. This is the year for that in many different ways.
The last few days have been much of the same which is definitely not bad. Eli and Ella are used to being back at school, I have been working and so has Hut. The big kids are in college virtually and working . They have been so awesome putting up with my Covid craziness of staying home and staying safe. I am so blessed.
Friday we had some visitors… outside of course. Two teachers that Eli was lucky to get to know in 7th grade stopped to give him a present. Ms. C had shirts made for Mr. Dorazio and Eli – “Elif Peanut Butter” which was a name that they made up during lunch due to the fact that it was all Eli ate;) They have their inside jokes which makes everyone around them giggle and Mr. Dorazio has been a part of Eli’s life ever since these fun lunch days in 7th grade. I am reminded so very often of the kindness of people. Kindness doesn’t necessarily mean gift giving but more importantly time, words and love which can be more memorable than things anyway. Our life since diagnosis has been filled with so much of the later that it is indescribable.
Saturday we did our normal cleaning and I have my regular guilt surrounding that as the kids don’t do too much during those hours. Eli cant really walk so we don’t ask him to help much and Ella does her share but that ends fairly quickly. Thankfully for them, the older two are busy with work and such so they are not here this weekend during the day. Sat evening we broke out Monopoly and instead of teams it was all for one! Once again somehow Ella and I were the first ones out… hmm…seems like this is a plan for the boys. After work, Evan joined in the game and got frustrated as Eli and his dad started to kick his ass!! What a great game to teach Eli and Ella about money, to practice reading and the lesson you win some you lose some, although it is always us losing. Ha ha! Eli ended up winning after a three hour round ended after 11:30, but I think his dad was being a bit generous. So much for you win some you lose some. Maybe next time!
All in all a few good days with not many issues. Maybe if I keep trying to focus on the positive it will become what I see more of!
I pray because I simply can’t go on living the life I was. Too much sorrow and sadness, too much numbing and not enough living! We are given this one life as who we are and I surely don’t want to waste any more of it.
Fear Not 