Fear Not

No matter what is happening in anyones life, time does not stop and life goes on. I get this and I am totally on board. I would NEVER expect things to change just because I am at a standstill right now… that would not be fair. I know some friends or family are afraid to talk of other issues to me but I welcome them all. Lets talk about Brad and Angelina or Honey Boo Boo (whoever that is). That’s the amazing thing about life…through your fear or sorrow the laughter remains… and the smiles make you realize that you are just one little speck in this thing called life.

Today was a day of giving thanks… and as I woke up I was very grateful & thankful for so many different things. Unfortunately the day went on and unraveled as it so often does. We had such a nice time at my brother & sister in-laws with the family but as often happens the boys were fighting and tattleing on each other. I had enough..calling each other names then telling me just to get me upset. This is where I expect more of them and maybe that is wrong of me. Yet maybe I should welcome this as it is showing me how normal the boys lives are right now. Maybe that is just another thing I should be grateful for instead of looking at it negatively and wanting to kick their a*$$ ( which I did …to Eric anyway)

On to my Mom’s… Yeah, this was no better and actually ended much worse. I don’t expect anyone elses life to change through this but I would hope that the selfishness would be a bit less and maybe the filter could become a bit more filtering if you know what I mean. NOPE!! Some things never change and I am stupid for thinking they should. Why would I expect God to allow one thing to go good when so many other things literally stink right now? I guess I really have a lot of lessons to learn in this life…Lucky me!

When they say God only gives you what you can handle I think that is just a bunch of crap! Who truly knows what you can handle until it is right in front of you? I would have NEVER thought in a million years I could still be breathing after learning my kids were sick. There is no choice in the hand you are dealt…what would you do…crumble? run or hide? No…you would handle it just like I am. I don’t think God “gives” us things…things happen and it sucks but we have no choice so you just take one step at a time and press on.

I did not want to handle a messed up up-bringing or to go to 11 different schools. I did not want to try & handle meeting new friends ever year until high school and I sure as heck did not know how to fit in anywhere. I truly believed when Hut & I got married and when we had kids that this would be MY time…MY normalcy…nothing else major should happen as I had my fill long before getting married. “God only gives you what you can handle”? Well I had my fill and those days were over as far as I was concerned. It is time for good things to happen in this stage of my life. I would keep them in the same school district and they would know the same people growing up…that was probably the most important thing to me. I want them to grow up & know who they went to school with and have that sense of their community when they get older. Maybe that is another reason all the nice things that people are doing for me are hard to handle. I never really grew up in one spot…I “went” to Norristown but I am not “from” Norristown and to have these amazing and wonderful people be so caring and thoughtful it is a bit hard to handle. People who do not even know me or our family are doing amazing things and expect nothing in return. WOW!! So yes, I had a screwed up life for many years growing up and I really thought I had paid my dues but I was wrong…yet there is a happy ending. God has lifted me up & protected me, he has shown me the goodness that exists in the world and he has brought so many amazing people into my life! The most important think he has done is how he has allowed me to forgive when forgiving was not deserved. I remember the day I gave it all to him saying ‘I hate this person & I don’t want to ever forgive them! They don’t deserve it” Then I got on my knees and through the tears I said “take the hatred away and allow me to forgive if that is what you want” Guess what he did! It does not mean that it is easy or that they deserve it but I will leave that part up to God. I know he will guide me every step of the way even when I feel he is not here.

The Thanksgiving night ended perfect! We ended up at my friend Staci’s and her family welcomed us for dessert and some friendly games of LCR, which I highly recommend if you have never played before. Eli won the first game & it made my night. We played two more games and made some great memories that I will always remember.

So I learn to be thankful for everything because even in the bad there are great lessons to be learned…how would we know what the good is without the challenges. Yes life goes on and for the most part life is good.

~ by Rebecca on November 23, 2012.

Posted in Diagnosed