Trust – a lifelong lesson

Some people say we come into this world to work through things…maybe learn lessons. Some people may need to learn to have faith or learn to love or forgive… I am sure there are many reasons but for me my number one reason that I have figured out is to learn to trust. 

You get used to growing up in a divorced family and although it had its bad times it also came with two Christmases, Easters and any other Holiday that you would enjoy celebrating twice! I knew no other life as my parents were divorced when I was one. God bless you parents who can make it amicable when a marriage is ending …this will be the greatest gift you can give to your children as they grow. If people could see how deep words can hurt and how long that hurt can remain with someone, I guarantee you would not say those things anymore. Many people unfortunately go through this world being self focused or selfish…they are so hurt that they can’t see past that hurt… I get it trust me! It is easy to be angry, or hate or not want to forgive but in the long run these things will bring you nothing but more pain. Up until I was 19 years old I believed that my Dad was not the man that he was. Yes I loved my dad and knew he loved me but I was brainwashed for many many years into believing that he was not really into me or into having a relationship with me. I remember the sadness that was slowly creeping out from me when I realized that so many things I thought were true were nothing but exaggerations or lies. Shortly before I got married ( I think I was 20) I met my dad at the Fitzwater Station for a burger. I sat him down and apologized for judging him my whole life… I told him how sorry I was for not knowing the truth and for believing so many of the things that I had heard. As he sat across from me with tears rolling down his face all he said was “Thank you” he said ” I knew someday you would know the truth” We did not say too much more as we did not need to. He could not blame me and I could not blame myself…I was a child and children trust & believe even when they do not know any better. That was a defining moment in my life.

I don’t remember when I started to doubt people or not trust people … I think it was very early on in life. When you grow up with so much uncertainty it starts to get to you and you start to question everything. After my parents got divorced there were many men in and out of my life… friends of my mom’s, boyfriends… I had no idea who they were half the time because I was so young. Yet I knew one thing… I could not trust anyone! No one was there long enough to trust…sometimes not even my mom. I remember spending more time with my Nana & Poppop than anyone. I thank God for them EVERY DAY!!! I can’t say that I felt unconditional love many times in my life but when I did it was from them and it was a gift I will cherish forever. Trust was never an issue when I was with them and love was given freely. I knew I was loved!

I think when you grow up and realize how you will live your life you take many lessons from your upbringing. Most of the time you either learn how to or how not to. I have learned many more lessons on how not to and it has served me well. There is a journal that I would write in even before I had kids and I would remind myself of all the things I did not want to do or more like the things I swear I would NOT do if and when I became a mother. As I look back some 14 years later I realize that there are only two things I can truly take from all those things I wrote. Love and trust. I will promise that my kids will never ever doubt my unconditional love for them and they can trust me…ALWAYS!

Right now this is so prevelant…The last two months (almost) there is nothing I can do… yes I can research, read and dig up everything I can find about MLD but truly it does not matter. I need to trust that God has a plan…trust that with all the prayers out there for Eli & Ella he will guide us in the right direction as to the decision we will make for them, to completely let go and let God…

I thank God for trusting me with his babies …I have a long way to go with learning to trust but every obstacle that has been placed in front of me has given me more opportunities to learn this valuable lesson!

~ by my4foures on November 14, 2012.

10 Responses to “Trust – a lifelong lesson”

  1. Trust and love ❤

  2. So beautiful. Yes, you have to trust…and take one day at a time. But you have to question everything…If you have any lingering doubt even what the experts say, trust that it is God’s voice —you may even feel a tap on the shoulder as I know sometimes in the toughest times with our son…God had to get my attention a little. No one knows what there time is with there children…But what you have been dealt these past few months…Is too big. Know that you are being carried by something bigger than you. I always wonder what God’s plan was for me with everything with my son. I think until now it was to get by the best I can and trust everyday..Now I am feeling more outward to how I can help others..but enjoying Louie’s days where he is stable, awake and smiling. I know it may not last…but I kiss him and know there will be time for everything else…Let people and friends take care of you…Never go too far inside…trust me- its a long way back in trusting people. With much love, Cheryl (Karen Bollingers friend)

  3. Amazing words! You are such a strong peson and your family and friends are truly blessed to have you in their lives. Thank you so much for sharing your families journey. We will continue to pry for your family!

  4. Wow. So touching and moving. Just know that The Keith Family (Courtney and Connor played tee ball with Eli) are keeping you all in our thoughts and prayers.
    Like you said you have to let go and let God!

  5. My son and grandchildren are going through this now. I wish I could send this to them but it would only make things worse. I am so glad that you got to know the person your dad is. I only hope one day my grandchildren will not have to listen to the mean and vendictive words that are used against my son and my x husband. Thru my devorce I kept what I hope is a good relationship with my x, we still talk and see each other often but we just can’t wive with each other. Here’s hoping you can inspire others to not let evil words hurt each other and the ones we love
    Thanks for your words and inspiration, my best wishes and prayers for you and your family.

    Joan Winter

    • Yes I am lucky that I learned so much of the truth from other family members. I am also lucky that i was open to the truth and that’s also what people need to do in my opinion. Good luck in your situation and thank you for the kind words! Xoxo
      Becky

  6. WOW – came to this site to find out how to get a ticket for Saturday – and read this – so profound and so relevant to my life – God tapped on my shoulder through you…. as I struggle with divorce and keeping it amicable – but you just brought me back to where I know I need to be…..it isn’t always easy – but I know it’s what is right – thanks for sharing ……you are truly a strong and courageous family!

  7. I purposely have not read the blog about Eric, because he is the only Vivian child I know more than just by sight. I wanted to tell you that you have succeeded in raising one of the finest young men I know. I thought that 2 years ago, as his teacher, but he proved it to me again recently at the walk -a- thon. First, he gave me the warmest hug which is all I needed. Then later he spoke about his weekend, his excitement to spend time with his uncle, the fact his dad was traveling quite a bit….which made me realize you were doing a great job keeping things “normal”. But most importantly he wished me a happy birthday and made me feel more confident about a raffle donation I had made. I was so taken back…how coud this handsome, sweet, intelligent young man have the respect and maturity to make one of his former teachers feel better when I was busy trying to show him support? I want you to know it is why you have so many prayer warriors, it is why anyone who knows you or any of your children want to do anything we can, big or small to support your family. It is why you inspired me 2 years ago before the diagnosis came to be a better teacher and mother. It is why I sit here and pray for Eric and his wonderful family. I am so glad his village has continued to grow…I don’t know his s.s. teacher but I want to hug him! God bless you, god bless each of your children and your husband, god bless all of us who pray for you….I feel this news from Milan is the beginning of some good and Sunday will truly be a celebration of your family.

    • Andrea, Sunday was truly a day of celebration just as you said. Thanks to you and all your hard work Cupcake Commons was simply amazing!!

      Your words are very kind and make me think about what I do as a parent… I am still hard on them…especially Eric as I expect so much more with him being the oldest, yet I do till have to remind myself even through all of this that Eric is a really good kid and I am lucky! Honestly your words make me feel very special that you would think that of me and my Eric. We are duper lucky to have so many Warriors and I hope we continue to get more!!
      You rock!! Xoxo

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