The voice of alcohol
Alcohol has a voice, and that voice speaks to us all differently. It may tell you that you need it for certain things or maybe it whispers “let’s just relax and have a fun night”. Maybe it only shows up for a weekend wedding, or a birthday celebration, it could be a staple to go with your Friday night pizza or possibly just to unwind after a long day.
For some people, the voice of alcohol is not so quiet. The voice may stay with them much of their day, sometimes whispering to them here or there throughout the day and sometimes it can be so loud, that it is all that you hear.
It might make you feel like you need it to survive, and not just survive the big things, but even the smaller things. A lunch date with a friend, a holiday breakfast out, and even making cookies with your kids for Christmas. It would like you to believe that “just a glass” will enhance your experience, whatever that may be.
One day, you might start believing the voice, and if you have trauma in your past (which who doesn’t) you might start agreeing with this voice more often than not. For some, the trauma is too great to face head on, so “just for today” you succumb to the voice, making any excuse to agree. “Don’t stop today” the voice will tell you, “you can start tomorrow”
The next day, you wake up and the voice is quiet, almost non existent, so you think it will be a great day! Yet, on the drive home from work you start to hear it again. “It was a long day” “so and so pissed you off today” “tomorrow is Friday anyway” You might think that it’s probably smarter or easier just to wait until Sunday to start, so you can start the week fresh. You talked yourself into it, and now feel grateful that you can go home and “unwind”with that glass of wine.
The voice is smart, it knows that there will always be something to toast, celebrate or mourn. When one holiday is over, there will be another one fast approaching. There will always be a reason to drink if that’s what you want.
I keep saying the same thing, because when you know, you know. That voice lived in my head for way too long, telling me so many things that I believed. I had EVERY REASON to pop open a bottle of wine while making dinner, a glass during, and another before bed. I believed the voice that told me this was the only way to “not feel”, even if it was temporary.
Everyone’s voice is different. Yours may not tell you it’s ok to numb like mine, but maybe it’s encouraging you:
“You’re more fun”
You are more social”
“Life of the party”
It may not really matter what your voice says, however, what matters is if you listen to it.
I found that there was another voice in my head as well. It was faint at first, but it was there. A clear, smart voice that craved something more than what alcohol could ever give me.
That voice was ALWAYS THERE, patiently waiting, but I always found a way to push it aside. Day after day, excuse after excuse.
“Everyone drinks like me”
“I don’t drink and drive”
“I don’t drink before five”
And the best…
“Anyone in my situation would be drinking everyday”
Slowly the clear voice started getting louder, telling me things that I started to believe, things that I started to want more than anything.
“You can do this”
You are strong”
“One day at a time”
Not everyone has a problem, and most would say that I didn’t either. Funny thing I have learned is, it’s not about how much you drink, but what that drink does to you. It’s that simple, one glass of wine or one bottle, after that first glass it changed me. I became someone who was not very nice to MYSELF and that scared me. I don’t want to think where I would be today had I not recognized that about myself. Self love I am learning, is the best kind of love. I am no good to anyone if I am no good to myself.
That clear voice saved me… saved me from myself.
1-4-21
Please reach out if you need help. I am worth it, and so are you!
Fear Not 
Amen to all of this! I don’t miss that damn voice one bit. I was a slave to it. It is truly astonishing how it changes you, makes you believe all the lies you brutalize yourself with. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and strength, truly. We are worth it. ❤💪🏻🙏🏻